Listen lads this is ridiculous, I’ve been sick as a dog all day, no idea what’s wrong with so I’ve basically been putting this off but now push has come to shove and it’s time to get it over and done with. This is all going to be flowing straight from the head.
I just started typing out a funny story there but honestly it’s actually proving too much for my brain to try and retell it well so I’ll save it for another day. Same sex marriage is a good one to talk about, I’m all for it, I literally cannot understand, even for a second, somebody taking issue with two people declaring their love for one another regardless of their sex. Love is a beautiful thing and should be celebrated in my opinion. It’s just bizarre to me that people actually give a shit whether gay people are married or not, it makes literally no difference to society. The only change to come out of same sex marriage being legalised is that gay couples should now feel like they have a more equal standing in society, a right which was previously denied to them has now been given to them. That’s it though, gay people are happier, like that is genuinely all that changed when it was legalised. Why would you not want a section of your own community not feeling more accepted and happy? Why wouldn’t you encourage couples who love each other to celebrate that in the act of marriage? I actually worked at a gay wedding last New Years Eve, I was working the bar for it and I have to say, they weren’t great tippers. Is it any bloody wonder the DUP opposed same sex marriage so vehemently whenever gay people are obviously all shite tippers who don’t care about bar staff! Jokes aside, the wedding was nice, it was definitely strange to see but that’s to be expected right? Nobody would expect you to react totally normally to seeing two men marry for the first time, especially when it’s been such a contested event. Now, at the time of this wedding gay marriage wasn’t actually legal so it was merely ceremonial but it was nice. They did a conga line and pulled me from behind the bar to lead them, I did so with the expectation that if I had a bit of craic with them that they’d tip me more, well, I already told you how that went. Yeah people against gay marriage are bastards in my opinion.
Okay, another one, Boris Johnson has been in the news because Dominic Cummings was moved on prematurely from his role as Chief Adviser to the Prime Minister. Cummings said last Monday that he would leave the position by Christmas which was slightly surprising but the big shock came on Friday when Cummings was sacked as well as the new Downing Street Chief of Staff. For those of you that don’t know, Cummings was the dickhead who we can blame Brexit on and also the guy who broke COVID regulations that he helped design…then got on national television and basically lied his way out of it.
Now this is a bit out of date but I loved when this happened so I don’t care. Alright, essentially Cummings drove 270 miles to Durham, where his parents live on a farm, he argued it was for childcare which he used as a loophole to explain it all. Then, a few weeks later it broke in the media that he had flunked the rules, he held a press conference in the garden of 10 Downing Street, as though he were Prime Minister, and lied the whole way through. These are my thoughts on it.
He was clearly out of his depth in front of the media and I don’t really buy a lot of the story he told. It just all seems like a load of balls, for a start could he not get police protection for his house? He said originally he couldn’t get childcare in London then admitted he never actually checked. His wife threw up (not even Covid symptom) and he gave her a day and a half to recover before deciding the best thing to do was to pack up shop and move 270 miles to Durham. Keep in mind that means he actually had a day and a half to work out child care, also find it hard to believe the top adviser in the entire UK couldn’t source a nanny of some sort. He drives a Range Rover and claims he drove 270 miles on a full tank. It’s a petrol Range Rover Discovery Sport – lucky to get 300 miles out of a full tank. Then obviously he didn’t mention the fact that he stopped for petrol in his initial statement but remembered to mention that he stopped so his son could go for a piss and a play about. Then when asked if he filled up on the way back he originally said no, stuttered and paused and then said he wasn’t sure but that he thought that he may be had. Then the fact that because his child had a fever and threw up he rang 999 and his child spent the night in hospital. Can you fucking imagine if every parent rang 999 every time their kid had a fever? No surprise he was discharged the next morning. Then his drive to Barnad Castle is bothersome also because it’s a 30 mile journey. He argued he took a half hour drive in the car to ‘test his cognition for the drive home’. Firstly, to test your cognitive ability you don’t need to do a 60 mile round trip. Secondly, he said that he felt unwell and so stopped at the river. But also said that following that drive he decided he could do a 270 mile journey. So he goes for a 30 mile drive and feels so sick he has to stop and then decided 270 miles was no issue. Better yet, if you’re worried you may not be fit to drive what better to do than put the love of your life in the passenger seat as well as your son and heir in the back seat and take to the open road. In the meantime it’s worth mentioning that neither his son or wife actually seem to have had covid at all even though he claims he was incapacitated by it and that it actually had an effect on his eyesight? Furthermore it seems ironic that after rushing out of Downing Street following his wife falling ill he then returned the very next day for a few hours to endanger those who hadn’t yet caught the virus. He purposely missed the point, nobody gives a shit about whether he endangered his parents or whether he was out gallivanting – most will accept there’s no evidence either way and it’s just his word. What people are annoyed about is the fact that he fucking drove 270 miles across the country whilst the government was telling everyone that if they did that same journey they’d be fined.
Dickhead. Glad he’s gone, sorry this was random, be back tomorrow.
Marshall's Law 